Good Mourning – Understanding Grief

Aug 30th is Grief Awareness Day. Most people think they know what grief is. But, there are so many stereotypes surrounding the process that it is often misunderstood. 

Grief is a normal, healthy process people experience after a loss. While you might tend to associate it only with death, grief can come after any kind of loss. Maybe you recently lost your job, or you’re going through a divorce. Any type of major change disrupts our sense of stability and routine, triggering a type of grief reaction. 

Some people adjust to these changes easily, and others take time to become familiar with new routines.

So, what does grief look like, and how do people get through it? 

The Image of Grief

Although there are some general guidelines for grief, it is important to remember that everyone experiences grief and loss a bit differently.

The important thing to keep in mind that there isn’t a “correct” way to grieve. The purpose of grieving is to eventually come to terms with what you’ve lost and to find healing, so you can move on with your life in a meaningful way. 

There isn’t some kind of magical timetable for grief, and there are no rules as to how you should grieve or how long it would take. But, the symptoms of it can be debilitating.

You may have heard of the five stages of grief. They are: 

• Denial - you just can't seem to believe the loss is real. You may know it is logically, but feel disconnected from how it is affecting the various parts of your life. A common experience of this is the urge to pick up the phone and reach out to someone "forgetting" for a moment that they are gone.
• Anger - you are just angry at how much life has changed, and disrupted your plans and dreams. You want to fight back and regain what you had before the loss.
• Bargaining - you want to make a deal with God, fate, the universe, or anyone who might be able to change the outcome you are facing.
• Depression - the deep sadness you feel in the absence of what was familiar and predictable.
• Acceptance - you actively choose to move forward to find and create a new sense of normal.

While many people do go through all of these stages through the grieving process, not everyone does – and that’s okay! It is common to feel many of them at the same time.

The Symptoms of Grief

Again, grief looks different for everyone. It can cause emotional, mental, and even physical issues. Remember, all of these symptoms are normal. They can feel overwhelming and may even make you feel like you’re going crazy, but it’s all a part of the process and nothing you should be self-critical about. 

Because grief is such a powerful thing, it can even manifest itself in the form of physical symptoms. Some people experience aches and pains throughout their body due to the overproduction of stress hormones.  You may feel more sluggish and struggle with low energy. Perhaps you find your attention and concentration is poor, or that you are distracted by thinking about the loss.

Grief can also show up similar to symptoms of anxiety. You might experience a racing heart, fear, or even an upset/uneasy stomach. 

How to Deal With Grief

Grief is normal and natural, and often resolves on its own. Grief is not a clinical symptoms in itself. However, if it doesn't resolve on it's own, or is significantly interfering in your ability to function in your daily life, you may want to give it some attention.

There are certain strategies you can use to deal with grief, but the first thing to keep in mind is that it’s a process. You don’t have to get over it right away, and you should be able to go at your own pace and on your own timeline. 

Self-help things you can do every day include: 

• Talking to others
• Spending time with friends/family
• Doing hobbies you enjoy
• Getting enough sleep, and physical exercise.
• Join a support group -sometimes, simply listening and knowing others are going through similar struggles can be beneficial. 

Therapy or counseling can also be helpful as you navigate the grieving process. Even if you’re surrounded with support, it’s sometimes easy to feel as though you’re alone or no one understands how you feel. Therapy can help you to better process those thoughts and feelings. Then, you can start to move on to different stages of grief, and eventually, the weight of your loss will feel less overwhelming. 

Getting through the grieving process doesn’t mean forgetting about what you have lost. You’ll always remember, especially if you are grieving something or someone you loved. Know that your grief is natural. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help if you feel your grief is overwhelming.

Contact Me

The more you understand about grief and how it works, the more you will realize that your grieving process is unique to you. You’re not alone in how you feel. Please read more about grief or life transition counseling and contact me soon for a consultation.

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:

• Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
• Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
• Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
• Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
• I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.

You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.

*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.

Related Articles on Life Transitions & Coping

Coping With Life Changes & Transitions

5 Practical Tips When Grieving a Loss

How to Move On When You Know Relationship is Over

Retired - Now What?

Universal Ways to Improve Mood