{"id":2074,"date":"2019-03-12T06:58:02","date_gmt":"2019-03-12T12:58:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/creativesolutionsonline.org\/?p=2074"},"modified":"2020-06-23T12:44:19","modified_gmt":"2020-06-23T17:44:19","slug":"happiness-a-symptom-of-a-life-directed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/happiness-a-symptom-of-a-life-directed\/","title":{"rendered":"Happiness: A Symptom of a Life Directed by Values"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-medium\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" loading=\"lazy\" data-pin-url=\"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/happiness-a-symptom-of-a-life-directed\/?tp_image_id=3438\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/2.png?resize=200%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Smiley Faces\" class=\"wp-image-3438\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/2.png?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/2.png?resize=683%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/2.png?resize=100%2C150&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/2.png?w=735&amp;ssl=1 735w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>-Anthony Tzoumas, Ph.D.  <br>Psychologist <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Everyone wants to be happy. It is a common goal\nmost of us have. But what is the best way to go about achieving it? &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Have you ever noticed that the harder you try to reach happiness, the more it seems to slip away? <\/li><li>Do you question how much control you have over feeling happy?<\/li><li>Is it luck? Genetics? Once you get out of debt, get a promotion, find the perfect spouse, etc.?<\/li><li>Do you think you are doing everything &#8220;right&#8221; but still can&#8217;t find joy or peace?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">You may be surprised at what research has found.\nIt can shed some light on the ways we unknowingly set ourselves up to NOT feel\nhappy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Your Biological \u201cSet\nPoint\u201d:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Author Sonja Lyubomirsky, the author of \u201cThe How\nof Happiness\u201d believes that happiness is determined by 3 general categories.\n&nbsp;She states that approximately 50% of our happiness is determine by a\ngenetic set-rate or baseline. This is based on studies on fraternal and\nidentical twins. They have shown that levels of happiness between identical\ntwins raised together or apart are more similar than fraternal twins raised\ntogether or apart. So, you may be born with a biologically determined emotional\nbaseline. Well, that\u2019s it! It must mean we are powerless over our happiness.\n&nbsp;Biological determination wins again!!&nbsp;\nWait! Not so fast. What about our life situations or circumstances and\nchoices and attitudes?&nbsp; Afterall, those\naffect our happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Circumstances in Life:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Well, Dr. Lyubomirsky also says that \u201clife\ncircumstances\u201d account for only around 10% of our level of reported happiness.\n&nbsp;Surprisingly and perhaps not exactly accurate, but the theory behind this\nis that we engage in \u201chedonic adaptation\u201d.&nbsp;\nWhat does that mean? Hedonic adaptation also known as the hedonic treadmill\nsuggests that we quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness\ndespite major positive or negative events or life changes. So we adapt to the\ncircumstances of our lives. &nbsp;So good and bad circumstances impact our\nlives for brief periods of time, then we return to our baseline. Certain\nactivities are more affected by hedonic adaptations.&nbsp; These often are \u201cpleasures\u201d.&nbsp; They provide a valuable but brief surge of\npleasure and happiness.&nbsp; They can be\nwonderful and can contribute to happiness but often are fleeting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Researcher on depression and happiness, Martin\nSeligman says of pleasures, &#8220;The pleasures are delights that have clear\nsensory and strong emotional components, what philosophers call &#8216;raw feels&#8217;:\necstasy, thrills\u2026delight, mirth, exuberance, and comfort. They are evanescent,\nand they involve little, if any, thinking.&#8221; So, we adapt or get used to\nthem quickly. These are not irrelevant and can be used to help an upward\ncycling of mood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Your Expectations &amp;\nMeaningful Life Activities:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">So what accounts for the rest you ask?\n&nbsp;About 40%-That\u2019s what is left.&nbsp;\nLyubomirsky says that the rest is up to intentional (meaningful and goal\ndirected) activities. &nbsp;She calls this \u201cThe 40% solution.\u201d&nbsp; So, this is what we choose to do, how we\nchoose to think, what attitudes we choose to hold onto. So, although, the vast\nmajority of what determines happiness may not be under our complete control, we\nhave that relative 40% with which to work. That\u2019s actually great news!\n&nbsp;Think about how much influence this really is and don\u2019t get hung up on\nthe actual percentages.&nbsp; These are\nestimates and cannot possibly be precise. The point of the matter is that we\nhave a good amount of influence beyond circumstances and genetic factors. So,\nlet\u2019s look at what may have more staying power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Our Beliefs, Attitudes, and Actions&#8211;the \u201c40%\u201d &#8230;\u201d\nor so\u201d.:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Let\u2019s look at how our beliefs or expectations\naffect our happiness. We have beliefs about happiness that actually can\nundermine our happiness. We have 3 fundamental beliefs that paradoxically\nreduce our opportunities for more happiness: &nbsp;1) We often believe that we\nshould naturally be happy if our basic needs (safety, survival, nourishment)\nare met; 2) That we are broken if we are not naturally happy. We may believe\nthat there is a problem if we experience sadness, pain, worry, discontent,\nfear, or anxiety; and 3) Happiness equals pleasure or feeling good. &nbsp;Well,\nI think most of us at first glance might agree with these beliefs.&nbsp; But, what\u2019s the hitch?&nbsp; How do these beliefs undermine our happiness?\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Happiness Myth 1:\nHappiness Should Be Our Natural State:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Well, as we mentioned above, we have many forces\naffecting our happiness including our genetic states, life circumstance, etc.\n&nbsp;Therefore, we experience the full range of emotions that mean we may be\nhappy, sometimes angry, and sometimes sad.&nbsp;\nFor example, as a parent we experience the full range of emotions as we\nfulfill this meaningful role. &nbsp;Each feeling comes as part of this important\nrole and experience as a parent. They add to the richness and depth of the\nexperience of parenting. In fact, you will notice that nothing deeply important\ncomes without difficult feelings. &nbsp;In order to avoid difficult feelings,\nwe would have to avoid meaningful pursuits. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">So, instead of believing that the natural state\nshould be happiness, we could consider that the <em>state is a spectrum or ever-changing\nflow of emotional experiences.<\/em> Each adds to the value and richness of the\nexperience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Happiness Myth 2:\nUnhappiness Means You\u2019re Defective or Broken:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">As mentioned above, we all experience emotional\npain. &nbsp;There are some circumstances where the biological set point is\nindeed affected by a biological and psychological disorder such as Major\nDepression and Bipolar Disorder. &nbsp;These are indeed situations in which we\nmay need biological and psychological treatments such as medications and\nvarious forms of psychotherapy.&nbsp; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">In terms of periodic experiences of unhappiness,\nit is indeed normal to have unhappiness as part of your life. &nbsp;Sometimes\nunhappiness is useful to notice and explore.&nbsp;\nUnhappiness can clue us into what might be important to us. &nbsp;For\nexample, loneliness tells us about the value of relationships and connection to\nus.&nbsp; It may direct us toward others.\n&nbsp;Emptiness is another form of unhappiness.&nbsp;\nEmptiness may be an indicator that we need to invest time and energy\nidentifying what is meaningful or could be meaningful to us. &nbsp;Then to\ndevelop goals on how to explore those meaningful areas of life to contribute to\nmeaning and purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">We might experience failure in our pursuits.\n&nbsp;A universal experience as we all fail.&nbsp;\nThe pain we receive from the unhappiness that comes with a failure\nexperience may indicate to us how important that endeavor may be to us.\n&nbsp;If we can consider that failure in pursuits is typical and expected AND\npersist toward the goal in new ways, we may find an opportunity for success and\nexperience the more lasting benefits and gratification of that goal being met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">We could consider that instead of buying into\nthe belief that not being happy means we are broken, defective, or that\nsomething is wrong with us, that a life lived requires us to go through\nchallenges, hard times, and that life is difficult. We need to make room for\nthat in our life experiences. Consequently, unhappiness in life is normal.\n&nbsp;And where there is pain, there is a potential opportunity to identify\npurpose, meaning, and explore a life of vitality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Happiness Myth 3:\nHappiness Equals Pleasure or Feeling Good:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">So, happiness based on feeling pleasure or\nfeeling good is not lasting happiness. If you remember the discussion before\nabout life circumstances (the 10%), pleasure and feeling good are fleeting and changing\nstates. They are something good to have, but not what happiness is actually all\nabout. &nbsp;Inevitably these states pass, and we may experience forms of\ndispleasure such as anger, sadness, anxiety, fear, frustration, etc. So instead\nof basing our happiness on temporary states such as pleasure and feeling good,\nwe could base happiness on living a more rich, vital, and meaningful life.\n&nbsp;In this case, happiness would be a byproduct of meaning and would require\nyou to experience the full range of emotions that come along with such\nexperiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">So, the point here is that seeking temporary\nsources of pleasure, expecting to always feel good, and seeing pain in life as\n\u201call bad\u201d, and defining yourself and your life as being bad or broken if you\nexperience unhappiness can actually lead to more suffering and pain. &nbsp;The\nresults of these myths can lead to emotional and experiential avoidance. That\nis, avoidance of \u201cnegative\u201d feelings and experiences that could lead to negative\nemotions.&nbsp; This happens quite\nfrequently.&nbsp; In the process of avoiding\nsuch emotions and situations, we may miss out on living a more rich and vital\nlife. &nbsp;We may not really <strong><em>live <\/em><\/strong>our lives based on serving\npurposeful and meaningful endeavors to \u201cstay safe\u201d.&nbsp; This actually causes the very thing we are\ntrying to avoid.&nbsp; If, however, we are\npracticing \u201cmaking room\u201d for difficult emotions and experiences in service of\nthoughtfully acting in accordance to what is important to us than we have\ngreater opportunities for a more deep and lasting happiness&#8211;a life with more\nvitality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">These are foundational principles of a type of\nempirically valid treatment called Acceptance Commitment Therapy-a form of\ncognitive behavioral therapy. &nbsp;It actually has a lot of scientific support\nbehind it. The premise is that we may find more fulfillment in a life that is\nmore centered on understanding, pursuing, and engaging in valued life efforts.\nThese efforts may and often do involve accepting difficult experiences and emotions\nbut can result in a richer and more meaningful life experience. So, in effect,\nhappiness becomes the \u201csymptom\u201d of a life directed toward what is meaningful to\nus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Would you like help in developing skills, thinking habits, and behaviors that can lead to a more rich and gratifying life directed toward what is meaningful? Professional help from an individual therapist is available!<br> <br> I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don\u2019t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:<br> <br> \u2014 Having a safe, confidential space to work through life\u2019s struggles<br> <br> \u2014 Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional<br> <br> \u2014 Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices<br> <br> I offer <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"online counseling (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/what-is-online-counseling\/\" target=\"_blank\">online counseling<\/a> (video conference style of therapy) which provides increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from privacy of your own home.<br> <br> Find out more about me at my <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"website (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/creativesolutionsonline.org\" target=\"_blank\">website<\/a>, subscribe to my Blog, Like and Follow me on <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"Facebook (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/creativesolutionsbehavioralhealth\" target=\"_blank\">Facebook<\/a>, use <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"Contact Me form (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/creativesolutionsonline.org\/contact-me\/\" target=\"_blank\">Contact Me form<\/a> on my webpage, or with an email at <a href=\"mailto:DrAnthonyT@creativesolutionsbehavioralhealth.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\" (opens in a new tab)\">DrAnthonyT@CreativeSolutionsBehavioralHealth.com<\/a>. I\u2019d love to hear from you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!-- Start SimplePractice Booking Widget Embed Code -->\n<style>.spwidget-button-wrapper{text-align: center}.spwidget-button{display: inline-block;padding: 12px 24px;color: #fff !important;background: #058dc7;border: 0;border-radius: 4px;font-size: 16px;font-weight: 600;text-decoration: none}.spwidget-button:hover{background: #d15913}.spwidget-button:active{color: rgba(255, 255, 255, .75) !important;box-shadow: 0 1px 3px rgba(0, 0, 0, .15) inset}<\/style>\n<div class=\"spwidget-button-wrapper\"><a href=\"https:\/\/anthony-tzoumas.clientsecure.me\" class=\"spwidget-button\" data-spwidget-scope-global=\"\" data-spwidget-autobind=\"\">Book Appointment with Anthony Tzoumas<\/a><\/div>\n<!-- End SimplePractice Booking Widget Embed Code -->\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice.  For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You may be surprised at what research has found. It can shed some light on the ways we unknowingly set ourselves up to NOT feel happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_wpscppro_dont_share_socialmedia":false,"_wpscppro_custom_social_share_image":0,"_facebook_share_type":"","_twitter_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type":"","_pinterest_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type_page":"","_instagram_share_type":"","_medium_share_type":"","_threads_share_type":"","_google_business_share_type":"","_selected_social_profile":[],"_wpsp_enable_custom_social_template":false,"_wpsp_social_scheduling":{"enabled":false,"datetime":null,"platforms":[],"status":"template_only","dateOption":"today","timeOption":"now","customDays":"","customHours":"","customDate":"","customTime":"","schedulingType":"absolute"},"_wpsp_active_default_template":true},"categories":[3,5,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2074","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","category-coping","category-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v27.5) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Happiness: A Symptom of a Life Directed by Values &#187; Creative Solutions Online<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Everyone wants to be happy. 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