{"id":2655,"date":"2019-06-20T05:55:50","date_gmt":"2019-06-20T11:55:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/?p=2655"},"modified":"2025-07-08T19:22:14","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T00:22:14","slug":"anxiety-cancel-plans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/anxiety-cancel-plans\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips to Save Your Friendship if Anxiety Makes You Cancel Plans A Lot"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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We can all sympathize with a friend who cancels plans because of a sick day. Few people expect a sick friend to show up for coffee! Anxiety, unfortunately, doesn\u2019t always work the same way. When we need to cancel plans because we feel anxious, it can be easy to worry we just look flaky\u2014from the outside, we probably seem fine, even if we\u2019re freaking out in our heads. Of course, a canceled date here and there won\u2019t be a problem, but if anxiety is a constant cause of canceled plans, it\u2019s important we take care to be clear with our loved ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Anyone who\u2019s experienced moderate to severe anxiety knows that it can feel as bad or worse than the flu\u2014you just can\u2019t settle down. Your stomach is in knots, your limbs are tingling, it\u2019s hard to breath, you can\u2019t sleep etc. Anxiety can physically manifest in many ways, and none of them are comfortable! When our anxiety gets really bad, it can be hard to imagine getting out of the house. Even if we were looking forward to plans with our favorite friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, many of the signs of anxiety may not be easily seen by others, unlike a fever, sneezing, etc. This makes it harder for others to understand why we keep canceling plans. It may seem like we are just unreliable or uninterested. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Maybe it\u2019s fine the first time we cancel going to a party because we\u2019re feeling jittery. When this happens again and again, though, our friends might become frustrated, and this can make our anxiety even worse. We may start to worry they think that we\u2019re a flake, that we\u2019re a bad friend, or that they\u2019ll assume we don\u2019t want to spend time with them anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Name it! <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To avoid anxiety becoming a barrier in our friendships, it\u2019s important to focus on open and clear communication. Rather than letting the misunderstandings from canceled plans pile up, it\u2019s important we take responsibility for what we are experiencing. Rather than being vague about “not feeling well,” be honest that your anxiety is making it hard to show up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you need to cancel, be clear about your reasons and how you\u2019r feeling. Most likely, they\u2019ll understand if you\u2019re honest about your anxiety. Rather than just not showing up or letting them down last minute, be open about your feelings as early as possible. This can help your friends see your efforts and assure them you\u2019re not just flaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you\u2019re uncertain when you receive an invitation, let them know that you might not make it but you\u2019ll come if you can. That way, they know that you want to, but they\u2019ll be more understanding if you can\u2019t show up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be Flexible & Problem Solve<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Anxiety makes us think in all or none scenarios – either we comfortably go with no anxiety, or we cancel plans and stay home. Defeat this anxiety trap by looking for alternatives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe a party is too much for you, but you can meet up with them in a quieter venue. If leaving the house feels like too much, offer to have them over. If your anxiety is worse at the end of the day when you are tired and depleted, opt for mid-day activities. Most likely, what\u2019s important isn\u2019t what you\u2019re doing: just that you\u2019re doing it together. Most friends will be happy to change plans when they know and understand what’s making you uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try reaching out first<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you have cancelled plans multiple times, your friends may quit inviting you if they mistakenly think you are not interested in seeing them. To keep this from happening, try to text or call your friend unprompted. Even if you can\u2019t see them in person, make sure to put time in in whatever form you can manage at the moment. They might be upset that you had to cancel plans, but reaching out can assure them that you do really care and that you\u2019re thinking of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re upfront about how you\u2019re feeling, chances are, your friends will feel closer to you. Trust is a valuable part of any relationship, and if we\u2019re honest with others, they\u2019ll know that we care about them. Anxiety can be
overwhelming, and it might feel like everything is just too much. If we take a breath, though, and are honest and open, most likely our friends will return the same treatment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Contact Me<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don\u2019t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n