{"id":3393,"date":"2020-02-06T07:09:46","date_gmt":"2020-02-06T13:09:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/?p=3393"},"modified":"2020-10-17T13:59:05","modified_gmt":"2020-10-17T18:59:05","slug":"forgiving-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/forgiving-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiving Others: Why it Matters & How to Begin"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Forgiving<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

People often think it\u2019s easier to hold onto a grudge than to forgive someone. After all, you can choose not to talk to that person. You can choose to block them out of your life completely. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, that doesn\u2019t make the hurt or anger go away. Regrettably, holding onto a grudge or obsessing on the way someone hurt you often does more harm than good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\"Poison<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

It’s like that old saying, “Holding onto hurt and anger is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, when you resent someone, you only hurt yourself and stall your progress in life. You don\u2019t give yourself the opportunity to let go of the memory, the negative emotions, or that person\u2019s influence on your life. So the hurt continues – for YOU, not them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you find relief? Forgiveness gives you freedom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at why that matters, and how you can actually begin to forgive someone who hurt you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forgiveness and Moving Forward<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Think about someone in your life who has upset you or hurt you. Have you forgiven them? If not, how does thinking about them make you feel? Chances are, you think about them more than you\u2019d probably like to. That results in the pain and anger coming to the surface frequently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Open<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the problem with holding a grudge; you can\u2019t fully move forward with your life. It\u2019s baggage that holds you down. You are handcuffed to the past pain until you choose to forgive. And unfortunately, you\u2019re only hurting yourself in the process. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re not hurting the person who hurt you by not forgiving them. They may not even care one way or another. But, when you hold on tightly to that anger, it can cloud your thoughts and completely change your perspective on a lot of things in life. By not forgiving someone, you\u2019re hindering your ability to turn to the next chapter in your story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Misconception of Forgiveness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Some people have a problem with the word \u201cforgiveness\u201d because they think it excuses someone from their actions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That isn\u2019t true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forgiveness isn\u2019t about saying that what someone did was okay, or right. It\u2019s about letting go of your hurt and anger. You may choose to tell them how you feel and how badly something hurt you. But you may decide to move forward without ever confronting them. Forgiveness is the process of getting rid of the hurt and anger you feel, regardless. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t necessarily have to tell someone you\u2019re forgiving them. That\u2019s a personal choice. For some people, it helps to provide closure. For others, forgiveness is a very private thing, and it can absolutely be something you just keep in your mind and heart. You don\u2019t forgive someone for their sake, you forgive them for your sake. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Start Forgiving Others<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Depending on what someone did to you, it might feel impossible to forgive them. But, you\u2019ll feel so much better and lighter once you do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It starts with accepting what happened to you and what that person did. It is natural to spend a lot of time initially thinking about how they shouldn’t have done this, or how different life might be if things were different. But once you have time to process your hurt and anger fully, you can accept the reality of what is, instead of what you wish it could be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think about the person that hurt you. It doesn\u2019t really matter if they did it intentionally or not. The thing you should be focusing on is the fact that they aren\u2019t perfect. They are flawed, just like you. They may not have realized they were hurting you. And, if they did something on purpose, it\u2019s likely they had a \u201cneed\u201d that had to be met. Maybe they struggle with insecurity. Maybe their own life isn\u2019t great. Putting yourself in their shoes for a moment can make it easier to forgive and move on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look for a Lesson to be Learned<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Lessons<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Although I don’t know that I subscribe to the “everything happens FOR a reason” philosophy, I DO believe that we can give purpose and meaning to our painful experiences. Consider what you might learn from this experience – do you need to be more assertive? Do you trust others easily and allow yourself to be vulnerable too quickly before they have earned that right? Do you cut people off quickly and perhaps could benefit from learning to forgive and negotiate your needs better? Or perhaps the opposite – forgive too easily and need to learn to let go of toxic people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forgiving someone doesn\u2019t mean you have to keep them in your life. In some cases, that works really well and friendships\/relationships can be stronger than ever. In other cases, letting someone go completely is the best thing you can do for your mental health. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Contact Me<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re struggling to forgive others or you want to learn more, feel free to contact me. By practicing forgiveness, you\u2019re allowing yourself to take another step forward without the heavy baggage dragging you back to darker places. Let\u2019s work on ways to do that, together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don\u2019t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n