{"id":3727,"date":"2020-04-30T07:01:02","date_gmt":"2020-04-30T12:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/?p=3727"},"modified":"2025-07-09T12:02:40","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T17:02:40","slug":"saying-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.creativesolutionsonline.org\/rebuild-csbh-sit\/saying-no\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Saying “No”, Without Drowning in Guilt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Say<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Some people have absolutely no problem saying “no”. Others feel as though they can\u2019t say it without feeling guilty. While no one wants to disappoint others, it\u2019s important to know when to give yourself a break. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever been in a situation where you know you shouldn\u2019t say “yes” to something, but you do it anyway? You don\u2019t want the person making a request to think less of you, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, when you do say yes, you end up feeling overwhelmed and may even get angry with yourself. Unfortunately, this is a vicious cycle people often face when they have trouble saying “no”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Thankfully, you don\u2019t have to be stuck in that cycle and you don\u2019t have to struggle with guilt just because you choose to stand your ground. Let\u2019s look at how you can start saying “no” without drowning in guilt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make a Note of Reactions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s probably a reason you don\u2019t like saying no. Maybe you did turn someone\u2019s request down once, and they got upset. That\u2019 seems more relevant than the other times you may have said no and it was just shrugged off or accepted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s normal to think about more negative experiences and hold onto them, but try instead to focus on the more positive or neutral ones. Observe others who don\u2019t seem to have a hard time saying “no”. How do people react to them? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have there been other times in your life where you turned someone\u2019s request down? Think about the less dramatic or neutral times when that occurred. Shift for your focus to thinking that nothing horrible will come from denying someone\u2019s request.  As most often, saying “no” does not lead to terrible outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Answer Right Away<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Just<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time, there\u2019s no unwritten rule that says you need to respond to someone\u2019s request immediately. Instead of responding with a \u201cyes\u201d right away, give yourself time to ponder how you really do want to answer. Maybe, in the end, you\u2019ll still respond affirmatively. But, at least you\u2019ll have given yourself a chance to think it through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, when someone asks you to do something, it\u2019s okay to say, \u201cI\u2019ll have to think about that,\u201d or \u201clet me check my calendar and get back to you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buying yourself some time can take away the initial pressure you might feel from being asked a question- especially if you are a people pleaser. Take a breath, notice how you feel, think about how you really want to answer, and do so within a reasonable amount of time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strike a Deal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You can ease into the idea of saying “no” by counteroffering what someone might be asking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if a family member is going out of town and wants you to watch their kids for a week, you don\u2019t have to immediately say “no”. Instead, you could say something like, \u201cI can\u2019t watch them for a week, but I\u2019d be happy to keep them for a couple of nights.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Typically, this keeps the person asking satisfied and gives you more control of the situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You shouldn\u2019t expect to just let go of the guilt immediately, especially if you\u2019ve had trouble saying “no” your whole life. But, it\u2019s possible to stop feeling so bad about it if you\u2019re willing to put some practical solutions into place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, until you DO practice saying “no” more often, the anxiety and guilt will likely dominate your thinking about it for a while. Putting it into practice helps you disprove the assumptions that are creating guilt and anxiety faster than anything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Contact Me<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you want to understand why you struggle to tell people “no”, how to be more assertive, or ways to improve your communication style in your valued relationships (with a spouse, parent, child, co-worker, etc), don\u2019t hesitate to reach out!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don\u2019t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n