If you’re expecting a baby (or considering having one), you may have some reservations. It’s typically thought that a couple will be only happy and excited when they find out they’re expecting—but this isn’t always the case. In reality, many couples have a great deal of fear when it comes to having a baby.
“Will a child ruin our happy marriage?” “Is it worth the risk?” “Will I begin to resent my partner once we have a family?”
It’s important to note that your fears and reservations are completely valid. However, it’s also important to recognize that, while children can add stress to a marriage, it does not mean that they will destroy it or make it unhappy.
Being On The Same Page About Starting a Family
One of the most important things in a relationship is making sure there is harmony when it comes to big decisions. And, of course, one of the biggest decisions a couple can make is to have a baby.
Because of this, it’s crucial that both members of a relationship are on the same page when it comes to children.
If you’re both fully ready to welcome another person into your family, then it can be one of the best things to happen to your lives. However, if one partner is on the fence about having a child, there may be some issues that arise down the road.
Feeling Anxiety About Being Good Parents
It’s completely normal to worry about being a good parent. In fact, it’s healthy, and it can motivate you to be the best you possibly can be.
However, sometimes this anxiety can manifest in negative ways. You may start to nit-pick at your partner or worry that they secretly resent your parenting style. Again, it’s normal to have fears or anxiety. Nonetheless, you can overcome these fears by keeping open communication lines with your partner. Allow them to express their concerns, and you can express yours.
As long as you go into parenthood as a team, you’ll have a much better chance for success welcoming your baby into the family.
Not Putting Too Much Pressure On Yourself (or Your Partner)
Along with anxiety, parenthood brings about more pressure than you’ve likely ever experienced before. You and your partner are solely responsible for another life—and that can be daunting.
Obviously, you’re going to take parenthood seriously. But it’s important to keep in mind that many of your best parenting habits will develop naturally. You and your partner can each establish your own ways of effectively being parents.
So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be a “perfect” parent. And, of course, don’t do that to your partner, either. Pressure can easily turn to hostility, which can lead to unpleasantness and unhappiness within a marriage.
Remembering What Makes Your Relationship Solid
One of the best ways to stay level-headed in your marriage is to remember why you got married in the first place. Sometimes, having a child can cause partners to lose sight of their appreciation for one another. It’s not the child’s fault, nor is it your fault—it’s simply a product of busyness, hectic schedules, and over-exhaustion.
That being said, you should make an extra effort to spend quality time with just your partner after having a child. Often, when people have kids, they forget all other priorities as the child becomes the only one. This mentality certainly can lead to an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Children do not ruin marriages. Lack of communication, emotional disconnect, and a loss of intimacy can lead to an unhappy marriage. There is a way to have kids and still have a completely fulfilling, romantic, and happy marriage.
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If you’re worried about children affecting your marriage, seek out a couple’s counselor. They can help you make sense of your feelings and teach you both how to set definite goals to keep your marriage healthy, happy, and intimate.
So, don’t assume that having kids will destroy your marriage. Seek out therapy, put forth the effort, and you may find that your marriage is actually happier than ever with your children.
Contact Me
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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I love this! I think I'm actually going to do this exercise, because we map out our dreams and achieve them, why not map out our marriage and achieve that as well. thanks for your information i really like your write up i will come back and read more of your post.