6 Steps to Realign Your Relationship with Your Values

Values are the core principles that guide our daily choices. Your values can include a focus on things like family, friends, religion, and more. But, if your partner doesn’t share your values, the very things that drive the direction of your life, it can make your relationship difficult.

Why is it so essential for your values to align in a relationship? Because your values should be at the top of the “pyramid” in your life.

Everything else, including your interests and personal goals, should be secondary considerations. If you and your partner don’t share similar values, it’s difficult to set priorities and plan a mutually satisfying future.

Often, your core values may be very similar, but how they are expressed is different. For example, perhaps you both value "healthy living", but you see this as a need to focus on wholesome, organic nutrition and your partner expresses this value by focusing on time at the gym and regular doctor check-ups. If you are unable to see the common ground and shared value behind these different decisions, you will feel more at odds with each other than you need to be.

Thankfully, if your relationship is not currently squaring with your values, there are things you can do to help realign it.

1. Show Compassion

The first step in realigning your relationship with your values is to show compassion to yourself and to your partner. Maybe your values never fully lined up to begin with, but you are just now seeing the conflict. Or, maybe feeling out of alignment has made it easier for you or your partner to have more “bad” days than good. You have had more arguments or frustration with each other as you are missing some common ground.

If you want to get back on the same page, it’s important to show each other kindness, compassion, and even forgiveness when necessary. Remember, you’re on the same team.

2. Determine Your Own Values

You can’t realign your relationship with your values if you’ve lost sight of what they truly are. Sometimes, you might need some help determining what you stand for. But, even if you already have an understanding of what is important to you, you may need to reevaluate your values as they may have shifted over the years to please your partner or in response to changing life events and circumstances.

Take the time to really consider your values. What makes you feel like you have a greater purpose? What brings you a sense of balance and provides a sense of contentment?

When you sync your values with your own life again, it can become easier to approach your relationship from a stronger, more stable place internally.

3. Hold Each Other Accountable

Hold yourself and your partner accountable for living your values and how you want them to impact your life together. If your relationship isn’t currently an accurate representation of the values you hold to be important, it’s time to make a change.

If your partner knows your values and you’re not living them, give them permission to keep you on track, and vice versa.

4. Practice Open Communication

Values can change over time. Although our core values are not likely to change dramatically, but which ones are most relevant at any given time can change. Through life experiences and growth, it’s okay for the way we think to shift and expand. When that happens, it’s important to talk about it.

In order to consistently realign your relationship with your values, communication is key. Not only will it help your relationship to feel strong and connected, but it will give you an opportunity to share what’s important to you with your partner routinely. Thus, preventing serious disconnection regarding your values in the future.

5. Be Honest

Nothing breaks down trust in a relationship more than dishonesty. If you feel as though your relationship isn’t lining up with your values, be honest. Your honesty might cause a disagreement and you may be tempted to avoid discussing your discontent. However, not discussing something as important as your core values is not likely to solve anything.

If you keep your concerns to yourself, you won’t be able to hold them in forever. You’ll also start to feel increasingly worse that you’re hiding your values and unable to be authentic with your partner. You may even build resentment and hostility towards your partner (which is probably contrary to your core values and create more inner conflict for you).

6. Finding Fulfillment

Ask yourself and your partner what makes them feel most fulfilled in life. Having regular discussions about the core things that are truly important to you can help keep your relationship aligned with those purposes.

It’s easy to “forget” about your core values from time to time. Life comes with a variety of distractions. In relationships, shifting your ideas to match those of your partner is also far too easy without even really realizing it. 

If you’re feeling like your relationship isn’t currently aligned with who you are and you need help identifying what your values, please contact me. Together, we can find better ways for you to discover your true values and explore ways your relationship can be an accurate reflection of them.

You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.

*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.

Related Articles on Relationships and Spirituality

LDS Counseling

You Can Remove Toxic Criticism From Your Marriage

Relationship Repair: 7 Ways to Regain Your Intimacy & Connection